Running a bit late! The idea of week five was to document a story from you rpast that you don’t have pictures for. It took me a while to come up with the story, and at the end I abandond my plan and just journalled what was on my mind…
I’ve decided to document what is going on in my life right now rather than to go back in time and tell stories that happened long ago. Two years ago I was pregnant but I haven’t written down anything and now my memories are nearly all gone. I want to capture want I feel and think right now so that in a couple of years time we could return to these pages and maybe re-live this time again if we wish. Today I:
- can’t stop thinking about the impending birth. About the pain or the lack of it due to an epidural that I currently am planning to get very early on.
- have to think about my last experience. And I re-play in my head every single thing I still remember trying to find out what I can do differently this time
- wonder why I booked (again) a hospital that is nearly an hour drive away from us even though I think that part of my difficulties last time were because we were so far away
- found myself researching hypnosis as part of pain relief. I’ve been there last time! We’ve spent nearly £400 on HypnoBirthing course that absolutely, 100% didn’t help! Even though we’ve practised as we were told for months! And yet – here we go again…
- try to imagine how this time will be but everyone keeps telling me that it just will be different – this doesn’t help! I really don’t like being so much out of control.
- find it unfair that all the medics tell me it is my decision how I want to attempt to give birth and yet actually nothing is under my control – so how can it be my decision?
- I wonder if this time I would go into labour prematurely and how can I be prepared for that (do I really go and buy clothes and nappies for tiny babies just “in case”?)
- want to buy the most beautiful things for everything – clothes, furniture, toys. It might be my last baby, so when – if not now? I have resisted (well, as far as I could) last time. I was trying to be practical, not to go with a hype, not to buy something that was just pretty.
- want to decorate Herny’s new room to look really gorgeous, like those pretty pictures in the magazines. I haven’t done it with his nursery and I so would love to make his room special rather than functional.
- love Henry so much! I hope he will be OK with our new addition to the family. I hope he won’t feel left out… He never will be – but I don’ t know how to continue to make him feel as special as he is to us right now…
- hope that our little baby will be a happy and content boy, that he will feel comfortable, welcomed and happy with us.