One Sentence Journal #42

Here is something I will write/talk about only once because it feels somewhat odd even to think about it. You know how they talk about siblings rivalry and jealousy and it is usually about the older child being unkind or aggressive towards the new arrival. Thoughts keep turning in my mind but only today I suddenly had to admit that I am trying to protect Henry from his younger brother! And I am surprised about it and feel guilty… All I can think of is how to make Henry’s life as pleasant as possible and how to make him feel as loved as he feels now… Not for a minute do I think how to make the little one comfortable, how to find time for him and get to know him better, or anything like that… We have spent weeks decorating Henry’s room and done almost nothing for the baby. In that respect we are treating the baby as we did it with Henry – we are not baby-parents I think… I think we connect better to toddlers (probably every one does, it’s easier). I am so worried that Henry might feel unhappy that nothing else matters at the moment. It took me about nine moths to connect with Henry last time, only when he was at about that age I, for the first time, said something like ” I think I love Henry… not sure though, but I think I do”  maybe it’s just me and I need that long to get accustomed to this type of change, a huge change.

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